The Plane Trip

My 3 year old twins had never been on a plane before.

They've never been to a country other than the US, and certainly not a third-world country with malaria and giant spiders.

So I thought I'd take them with me for my month working at a tiny hospital and clinic in rural Guatemala.  Luckily, my amazing, creative, relaxed, dependable angel of an aunt volunteered save my ass by coming with me and caring for them while I'm at work.  However, she was going to meet us in Guatemala City, so I got to do their first plane flight solo.

This scared me, and I self-treated my anxiety with retail therapy well ahead of time:  children's benadryl, children's tylenol, new coloring books, new magnet toys, new (educational, of course) games downloaded to iPhone, extra iPhone brought so they could each have one at all times if needed, laptop and Planet Earth DVDs, child-sized headphones x 2, etch-a-sketch (travel size), and magnetic drawing pad x 2.
Oh, and extra battery for laptop.
Then I felt a little better.

Seattle to Guatemala City, with a layover in Dallas.  9:17 am to 6:50 pm (=5:50 pm Seattle time), so about 9 hrs + ~ 3 hrs for check-in, security (Mommy, I don't want to take my shoes off!), immigration, and customs (yes sir, I would like to bring 3 jars of peanut butter into the country, please).

Most controversial decision of the flight: car-seats to be checked, or carried on?  I was gonna bring them for sure, because we had a 4 hr drive each way in the country and Guatemalans are not known for good roads or safe driving practices.  But, do I want them with me on the plane?
Main Upside: these children are well conditioned to sit for hours at a time in their car-seats.
Secondary Upside: in the exceedingly unlikely event of a pretty bad but not catastrophic landing they might survive with fewer injuries than toddlers in just the plain plane lap-belts.
Downside: these are not your little infant-sized made-outta-plastic car-seats, these are venti-sized, important-parts-made-outta-metal car-seats, and really frickin' heavy.  I was scared enough of the flight that I opted to bring them on, so I got to literally drag them through security, around the terminals at 3 airports, and through customs and immigration.
Lessons learned:
  1) When a large burly man offers to carry your two venti-sized metal car-seats for you, accept the offer.
  2) A wheelchair is a useful thing, even if your legs work just fine.
      (Why the hell can't you take the luggage carts with you through security?)
  3) Those moving walkways at the airports will transport your venti-metal car-seats for you, but slowly.
  4) You can stack the car-seats on top of each other and drag them both by a strap, and still hold two toddlers' hands, if you're talented that way.
  5) Do not let them tell you to board with Zone 1.  Everyone is happier if you preboard.
  6) No, you are not limited to one car-seat per row.   (Really, lady?  Now that I've dragged these things all the way to your gate which is inconveniently located in BFE you want me to check one and then bring two toddlers onto your plane who are screaming at each other about why one gets to have their car-seat on the plane and the other doesn't?  Really?  No, I didn't think so either.  So glad you see it my way now.)

Worst moment of the flight:
"Mommy, I have to go potty".
nuf said?
No, I don't think so.

Imagine yourself in a teeny tiny airplane bathroom.
Now add two slightly cranky over-stimulated toddlers.
Now put one of them on the potty, doing #2.  (The other one is squeezed into the corner behind you.)
Now you are wiping the bottom of the one on the potty.  (The other one is pushing your legs from behind because, well, she is pretty short on breathing room.)
Now your glasses that you had tucked into the top of your shirt fall forward into the poop.
Now the toddler on the potty reaches for the pretty blue button marked "flush".
Now that's enough said.

In the end, we all arrived safe and sound in Guatemala City, and I even managed to retain (and thoroughly clean) my glasses.   All's well that end's well.